To hear the opinons and conversations of ridiculous middle-aged, mindle-minded police men of the state is to realize empirically, as a law abiding citizen, what is theorized by the average groundling crook. Idiots in the private sector become demigods with a badge. For Christ.
The beefy, bull headed Minotaur-in-uniform clanked his fork against the diner plate, infuriating me. His enormous calloused paws spiraling the bent fork into my flesh.
Though undoubtedly a dimwit, what transformed him from a man into a trudging elephant worthy of contempt, were his ridiculous blue shorts. The shorts left no crural room on the sides between the polyester and his trunks, an unintended effect of coffee, donuts, and a misinterpretation of who is allowed to be smug.
He turned and walked to me, as if alerted by an instinct born in the wild. His slow, heavy movements kicked off the powdered dander of his ashy knees, like a pachyderm kicking up dust as it walks. Clumsily swinging his heavy trunk-like arms, I think to myself, now and always, ‘If only he would use that gun to rinse himself off one time…”
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Summum Bonum
The Premise
The intrinsic value of humans and the path we follow is directly tied to the value you provide based on your particular life stance.
The Arguement
I try and create value to my family and friends through the challenge, and hopefully, procurement of ideals, that ultimately create goals for myself. It is through Me. It is through my pains, sufferings, follies, wins, successes, and glory that I will bestow those awards.
The Execution
No man is an island? That is still yet to be determined, but undoubtedly, to me, the prudent man would be wise to take on a Florida-like peninsular position; Enough of the first colonies to ground you in support combined with enough of the Pacific to allow, seemingly, unending freedom to create and envision.
The intrinsic value of humans and the path we follow is directly tied to the value you provide based on your particular life stance.
The Arguement
I try and create value to my family and friends through the challenge, and hopefully, procurement of ideals, that ultimately create goals for myself. It is through Me. It is through my pains, sufferings, follies, wins, successes, and glory that I will bestow those awards.
The Execution
No man is an island? That is still yet to be determined, but undoubtedly, to me, the prudent man would be wise to take on a Florida-like peninsular position; Enough of the first colonies to ground you in support combined with enough of the Pacific to allow, seemingly, unending freedom to create and envision.
2009: A Comparison Piece
Exhibit A
Happy holidays and happy (almost) 2010!
This has been a year of many changes. The short version: I graduated law school, celebrated my fifth year college reunion, and moved to Washington DC to clerk for Douglas Ginsburg, a judge on the Federal Court of Appeals for the DC Circuit. I'm having a great year, but I'm also looking forward to coming back to NY next fall. The long version is below if you're interested.
Big change #1: No more school. The biggest change for me is that I will never go back to school (unless it's as a professor). I graduated from HLS in June (my graduation speech is just a bit less than halfway through this recording: http://www.law.harvard.edu/media/2009/06/03/dos.mov), and I miss it already. I'm one of those (very few?) people who genuinely loved law school. What I do not miss (and will not miss) is taking tests, and I likely took my last test, in the form of the bar exam, in July. At this point I also associate Cambridge with school, and I miss many things about Cambridge (including the chips at the Border Cafe). I feel no nostalgia, however, for the days when it seemed both to rain and reach ten degrees below zero. Sorry, Cambridge, you're not perfect.
Big change #2: New job. As I mentioned, I'm now working as a law clerk on the DC Circuit. Clerking is somewhat like being a research assistant for a professor. I read briefs filed by various parties and research the legal issues involved. Judge Ginsburg is an active academic writer and lecturer as well, so it's nice to be able to help out with those projects also. I'm not learning that much content while clerking -- the subject matter of the cases is varied and random -- but I'm slowly learning how to be a better legal writer and a better crafter of legal arguments. I'm itching to start crafting arguments of my own. In the end, it's nice to get paid to sit around and think about thorny problems all day.
Big change #3: New city. Life in DC outside of work is also going well. On the other hand, DC lacks NY's energy, there are fewer different kinds of things going on, and my family and most of my closest friends are back in NY. But I'm having a lot of fun. At a more abstract level, I'm also starting to adjust to the idea that I am neither a student nor a semi-student any longer. When I worked at McKinsey after college I never felt quite out of the world of the student because I knew I was going back for law school. Now the rhythms and routines I develop could (should?) be those that stick with me far into the future -- there will be no more disruptions in the form of a return to school. That's a bit scary, but it's also exciting.
Well that's it. Three big changes in one year, one long email chronicling them.
I look forward to hearing what you're up to, and if you're in DC (or passing through), then I'd love to catch up in person.
Best,
XXXXX
Exhibit B
Happy Holidays and 2010
This has been a year of many changes for me as well, XXXXX. The XXXXX’s Penis version: I went to jail, regressed intellectually, and spent half of my Net Pay on Booze and cigarettes. I’m having a necessary year that resembles and parallels, if my worn down memory serves, being a pubescent and petulant teenager. The long version is below if you’re a masochist.
No real change #1: “Holy shit, I’m the mixture of a stereotypical coned dunce and Ronald Reagan!”. That is what I think when I struggle to remember random shit as I jab 2 dirty fingers to my unshorn throat muff and anxiously search for a pulse, to verify that I am, in fact, still alive. I'm one of those (very few?) people who genuinely live like a true fatalist. What I do miss is evolving as a person and the greediness that used to drive me to hoard new knowledge and skill sets. At this point I associate the drive to progress with the weak excuses, as I am want to have, of a drunken hobo and with an apocalyptic perception of the reality I have created. (Fortunately, at least, this does include the tacos of Fuel City). Sorry, Jonathan, you're self awareness is finally perfect.
Big change #2: Madea goes to Jail. As I mentioned, I recently spent some time with Irving’s finest via a State imposed vacation. Oh, how we love our impromptu “Destination Unknowns”. Jail is very cold and bright. It is so bright that everything is amplified and colors are magnified to a loud, audible din. I laid on my wooden bench defiled by various parties and watched the Cowboys lose through a small window with a black man. Judge Assholeburg, who must be an abject failure in his chosen profession, to find himself in front of a deadbeats on a Sunday morning, is a county magistrate who made me pay $25,000 to get out of jail, so it's nice to be able to help out with his project also. I'm itching to not be a felon.
Big Change, My Ass #3: Spending most of my money on Booze, night life, travels, and traveling while boozed. On one hand, it’s my most favorite thing to do. On the other hand, being consistently hungover has really started to limit my ability to live in a world that every year seems to demand a bit more from me. But I'm having a lot of fun. I think. At a more abstract level, I'm also starting to adjust to the idea that I need to grow up and not black out every weekend. The rumor is that at some point, a 24 year old cute crazy drunk guy turns into a 27 year old bearded alcoholic.
Well that's it. Three big changes in one year, one long email chronicling them. I look forward to hearing what you're up to, and if you find yourself going through hell, keep walking!
Best,
JG
Happy holidays and happy (almost) 2010!
This has been a year of many changes. The short version: I graduated law school, celebrated my fifth year college reunion, and moved to Washington DC to clerk for Douglas Ginsburg, a judge on the Federal Court of Appeals for the DC Circuit. I'm having a great year, but I'm also looking forward to coming back to NY next fall. The long version is below if you're interested.
Big change #1: No more school. The biggest change for me is that I will never go back to school (unless it's as a professor). I graduated from HLS in June (my graduation speech is just a bit less than halfway through this recording: http://www.law.harvard.edu/media/2009/06/03/dos.mov), and I miss it already. I'm one of those (very few?) people who genuinely loved law school. What I do not miss (and will not miss) is taking tests, and I likely took my last test, in the form of the bar exam, in July. At this point I also associate Cambridge with school, and I miss many things about Cambridge (including the chips at the Border Cafe). I feel no nostalgia, however, for the days when it seemed both to rain and reach ten degrees below zero. Sorry, Cambridge, you're not perfect.
Big change #2: New job. As I mentioned, I'm now working as a law clerk on the DC Circuit. Clerking is somewhat like being a research assistant for a professor. I read briefs filed by various parties and research the legal issues involved. Judge Ginsburg is an active academic writer and lecturer as well, so it's nice to be able to help out with those projects also. I'm not learning that much content while clerking -- the subject matter of the cases is varied and random -- but I'm slowly learning how to be a better legal writer and a better crafter of legal arguments. I'm itching to start crafting arguments of my own. In the end, it's nice to get paid to sit around and think about thorny problems all day.
Big change #3: New city. Life in DC outside of work is also going well. On the other hand, DC lacks NY's energy, there are fewer different kinds of things going on, and my family and most of my closest friends are back in NY. But I'm having a lot of fun. At a more abstract level, I'm also starting to adjust to the idea that I am neither a student nor a semi-student any longer. When I worked at McKinsey after college I never felt quite out of the world of the student because I knew I was going back for law school. Now the rhythms and routines I develop could (should?) be those that stick with me far into the future -- there will be no more disruptions in the form of a return to school. That's a bit scary, but it's also exciting.
Well that's it. Three big changes in one year, one long email chronicling them.
I look forward to hearing what you're up to, and if you're in DC (or passing through), then I'd love to catch up in person.
Best,
XXXXX
Exhibit B
Happy Holidays and 2010
This has been a year of many changes for me as well, XXXXX. The XXXXX’s Penis version: I went to jail, regressed intellectually, and spent half of my Net Pay on Booze and cigarettes. I’m having a necessary year that resembles and parallels, if my worn down memory serves, being a pubescent and petulant teenager. The long version is below if you’re a masochist.
No real change #1: “Holy shit, I’m the mixture of a stereotypical coned dunce and Ronald Reagan!”. That is what I think when I struggle to remember random shit as I jab 2 dirty fingers to my unshorn throat muff and anxiously search for a pulse, to verify that I am, in fact, still alive. I'm one of those (very few?) people who genuinely live like a true fatalist. What I do miss is evolving as a person and the greediness that used to drive me to hoard new knowledge and skill sets. At this point I associate the drive to progress with the weak excuses, as I am want to have, of a drunken hobo and with an apocalyptic perception of the reality I have created. (Fortunately, at least, this does include the tacos of Fuel City). Sorry, Jonathan, you're self awareness is finally perfect.
Big change #2: Madea goes to Jail. As I mentioned, I recently spent some time with Irving’s finest via a State imposed vacation. Oh, how we love our impromptu “Destination Unknowns”. Jail is very cold and bright. It is so bright that everything is amplified and colors are magnified to a loud, audible din. I laid on my wooden bench defiled by various parties and watched the Cowboys lose through a small window with a black man. Judge Assholeburg, who must be an abject failure in his chosen profession, to find himself in front of a deadbeats on a Sunday morning, is a county magistrate who made me pay $25,000 to get out of jail, so it's nice to be able to help out with his project also. I'm itching to not be a felon.
Big Change, My Ass #3: Spending most of my money on Booze, night life, travels, and traveling while boozed. On one hand, it’s my most favorite thing to do. On the other hand, being consistently hungover has really started to limit my ability to live in a world that every year seems to demand a bit more from me. But I'm having a lot of fun. I think. At a more abstract level, I'm also starting to adjust to the idea that I need to grow up and not black out every weekend. The rumor is that at some point, a 24 year old cute crazy drunk guy turns into a 27 year old bearded alcoholic.
Well that's it. Three big changes in one year, one long email chronicling them. I look forward to hearing what you're up to, and if you find yourself going through hell, keep walking!
Best,
JG
Monday, December 7, 2009
Thinking of Fat Women
As I sit slumped back in my cheap plastic chair that stinks from its owners, at times, questionable hygiene full from the workmanlike holiday feast, I thought to myself, “I need to pull it together.”
Between deep breaths that resemble sighs and the deliberate contracting and contrasting that is the clinching of my ass as I dictate which silent farts I want to let out and which to keep in, like the membranes of microcosms, I feel a bigger part the disaster that is the American populace.
Beaten and torn down by food and drink, tired and annoyed, I think back to something that happened this very morning, something that has convinced me that, now, not only is life worth living now, but it never was.
This morning as I was getting ready for work, I stumble out of bed after a listless sleep in a warped and sweat heavy bed that has the squeaks. Now, let me clarify, not those harmonious and pure little noises caused by happy lovers, but the din of a picked cotton mattress beaten into submission to perform its owners hard work, like a pillow top slave.
I stumble out of this bed and, though I stumbled about like a lame man with clubbed feet, I was quick to forego the shower. I hurriedly strap on some clothes I deemed suitable for work and try and manipulate slept in hair. For those of you who have not had the unique pleasure of fixing slept in hair, I would equate it pissing down your pant leg, trying to clean it in a public bathroom, and then walking back to your groups table and pretend you were just a bit to gamey in washing your hands or kneecap. Nobody buys it when you come to work with half dried and half clumped by product hair, like a duck in an oil spill.
I take a load off by sitting in a chair that my roomate consistently made love with until the gyrations of his hips tore a hole in the seat and left angelic white baby Jew stains on the front, thus making it fit to be donated to me, apparently.
In my disgust, I go to my favorites and see videoxx.nx. I’m prompted by my hateful mind to click on the link and give a passing glance to those thumbnails.
In an effort to get to the point, I will spare the sordid and vulgar details of just what exactly was going through my mind, but I admit now before my friends and their god: I ended the morning with a rapid clean up as I was, now, running late as I simultaneously tried to close out: my BBW streaming video and the impure thoughts of the fattest girl I've known(seriously 275 lbs), that completed my self-loathing.
Between deep breaths that resemble sighs and the deliberate contracting and contrasting that is the clinching of my ass as I dictate which silent farts I want to let out and which to keep in, like the membranes of microcosms, I feel a bigger part the disaster that is the American populace.
Beaten and torn down by food and drink, tired and annoyed, I think back to something that happened this very morning, something that has convinced me that, now, not only is life worth living now, but it never was.
This morning as I was getting ready for work, I stumble out of bed after a listless sleep in a warped and sweat heavy bed that has the squeaks. Now, let me clarify, not those harmonious and pure little noises caused by happy lovers, but the din of a picked cotton mattress beaten into submission to perform its owners hard work, like a pillow top slave.
I stumble out of this bed and, though I stumbled about like a lame man with clubbed feet, I was quick to forego the shower. I hurriedly strap on some clothes I deemed suitable for work and try and manipulate slept in hair. For those of you who have not had the unique pleasure of fixing slept in hair, I would equate it pissing down your pant leg, trying to clean it in a public bathroom, and then walking back to your groups table and pretend you were just a bit to gamey in washing your hands or kneecap. Nobody buys it when you come to work with half dried and half clumped by product hair, like a duck in an oil spill.
I take a load off by sitting in a chair that my roomate consistently made love with until the gyrations of his hips tore a hole in the seat and left angelic white baby Jew stains on the front, thus making it fit to be donated to me, apparently.
In my disgust, I go to my favorites and see videoxx.nx. I’m prompted by my hateful mind to click on the link and give a passing glance to those thumbnails.
In an effort to get to the point, I will spare the sordid and vulgar details of just what exactly was going through my mind, but I admit now before my friends and their god: I ended the morning with a rapid clean up as I was, now, running late as I simultaneously tried to close out: my BBW streaming video and the impure thoughts of the fattest girl I've known(seriously 275 lbs), that completed my self-loathing.
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