Advanced Mathematics

I am/was terrible in Math and I was grateful UT offered M308D (or something like that), called Math for Non-Science majors, more commonly and affectionately known around the frat house as "Hot Girl Math".

That being said, I have an enormous amount of respect and reverence for Math and what I perceive to be it's role in our world. That is, a perpetual tool that can eventually illustrate, design, develop, build, break and explain everything possible in our material world. Because I believe Math to be so inherent in our world and so naturally rewarding to man and mankind, I've often pondered two things:

1) For as smart as I perceive myself to be, why was advanced math so excruciatingly difficult (not just unnatural in a prodigy sense, but painfully foreign to my being and natural self)? It's not that I didn't have the interest to arm myself with math or I lacked the good sense to realize advanced math is one of the most valuable weapons we as people can arm ourselves with, but there was a definite dearth of genius and interest in math itself which made it hard for me to develop and focus on it. I've wondered if it was a thing -- a psychological thing, an environmental thing, genetic thing or if I was just born devoid of the aptitude and ability necessary to understand what is understandable in this world. In other words, I question if I was born a weak, runty and inferior man meant to either assist or stay out of the way; a civilian casualty of man's war on nature and himself. Jonathan Gonnet: Failed experiment #980,003,344,298,484,300 in a world that has seen few truly born.

2) I am not convinced that Math is truly a "Universal" language and would be something an other-worldly being would find as valuable as us. I'm not sure one can ever evaluate and experiment with that, but even if they could, it would probably, literally, beg the question (as it would be through math) and I would be as I am now, impotently unaware.

For these two reasons it is my belief one must try to not only live but advance that with which one has been born an innate, natural understanding and fellowship. I am warmed to know that in me grows a deep and profound love for advanced, genius-level mathematicians and the past math pioneers as they make me want to be a part of "humanity" because I become aware that I alone cannot exist in the world, I need others.