I am sad for Justin

Gosh, that video above of Justin Beiber trying to fight the paparazzi is sad.

I know it's supposed to be funny and I'm supposed to take joy in making fun of this guy, but all I see is a tragedy. The poor guy never had a chance.

Once he got famous, as just an innocent little boy, his fate was sealed. I'm of the opinion that nobody can be well-adjusted and emotionally healthy if subjected to the celebrity machine, in our society, before or during those transformative years where our brain and psyche and psychology are developing. I think being used by the celebrity machine at an early age causes an acute flavor of mental illness what likely he will (if he doesn't already) and others like him (who, just off the top of my head who I've read about on shaggy include Lohan and Amanda Byrnes) suffer.

The best and most noble thing you can do is to martyr yourself for your family. He should maximize his earning potential, procreate as much as possible, put a shit ton of money into accounts for his progeny with stipulations like "must never act/record/whatever in Hollywood" and "must go to school" or it's forfeited, and then self-medicate with whatever interests and pleases you, living like an emotionally stunted and developmentally arrested "hedonist" who, in an ultimate twist of irony, is irrationally hated by all the "normal" people who misinterpret his confusion and misery as undeserved privilege and new age douchebaggery.

Seriously, I've seen more sympathy and understanding for convicted killers, homeless people, and other criminally insane than the hate for celebrities who fall off the deep end.

Advanced Mathematics

I am/was terrible in Math and I was grateful UT offered M308D (or something like that), called Math for Non-Science majors, more commonly and affectionately known around the frat house as "Hot Girl Math".

That being said, I have an enormous amount of respect and reverence for Math and what I perceive to be it's role in our world. That is, a perpetual tool that can eventually illustrate, design, develop, build, break and explain everything possible in our material world. Because I believe Math to be so inherent in our world and so naturally rewarding to man and mankind, I've often pondered two things:

1) For as smart as I perceive myself to be, why was advanced math so excruciatingly difficult (not just unnatural in a prodigy sense, but painfully foreign to my being and natural self)? It's not that I didn't have the interest to arm myself with math or I lacked the good sense to realize advanced math is one of the most valuable weapons we as people can arm ourselves with, but there was a definite dearth of genius and interest in math itself which made it hard for me to develop and focus on it. I've wondered if it was a thing -- a psychological thing, an environmental thing, genetic thing or if I was just born devoid of the aptitude and ability necessary to understand what is understandable in this world. In other words, I question if I was born a weak, runty and inferior man meant to either assist or stay out of the way; a civilian casualty of man's war on nature and himself. Jonathan Gonnet: Failed experiment #980,003,344,298,484,300 in a world that has seen few truly born.

2) I am not convinced that Math is truly a "Universal" language and would be something an other-worldly being would find as valuable as us. I'm not sure one can ever evaluate and experiment with that, but even if they could, it would probably, literally, beg the question (as it would be through math) and I would be as I am now, impotently unaware.

For these two reasons it is my belief one must try to not only live but advance that with which one has been born an innate, natural understanding and fellowship. I am warmed to know that in me grows a deep and profound love for advanced, genius-level mathematicians and the past math pioneers as they make me want to be a part of "humanity" because I become aware that I alone cannot exist in the world, I need others.

Vincent Paul until I croak

As Packer fans enter into the last stages of preseason football and start to see depth charts shake out and roster moves being made, I wanted to take a moment to explain what you may see as the insane following that VY has, despite everything that has happened to him and because of him.

For those who don't understand the irrational infatuation and love that some of us have for VY, I’ll hazard a guess that you aren't a male, aged 26-36. You probably weren't on campus or associated with UT in the middle of VY-mania and you didn't have a front row seat on the round trip ride that VY took those of us on from 2004-2006 which is why your views and opinions on the matter are, pun irascibly intended, pedestrian.

We root for him and believe in him partly because we’ve witnessed firsthand the magic but also because he is part of our extended family. You won’t understand the attention and hope we emit because If you were in that aforementioned demographic, then you'd know that somewhere on that timeline in the mid 2000’s, our Longhorn Football fandom and VY’s DNA, like some Jeff Goldblum 80’s horror movie with terrible costumography, got mixed up together and we will now be forever be tied with each other.

For my part, I am far from a Longhorn super fan. I didn’t grow up a Longhorn fan despite living in Dallas and I barely even liked the team until the Spring I found out I’d be attending UT. But to this day, I will root for VY to make an NFL team and believe that he can one day be a Superbowl winning quarterback and will continue to advocate his candidacy until his viable days are effectively finished. At that point in time, I will wear my faded #10 shirt on game days and will regale my children - and their children and their children's children- with the oral folklore of VY, complete with (probably) exaggerated tales of heroism, strength and miraculous ability like those before me have done with the likes of Paul Bunyon and some carpenter from Galilee.

During the holidays he will be there in our homes as we pop in the DVD of the 2005 Rose Bowl and get drunk on nostalgia and egg nog—the reason for the season after all—because what is not understood to those unafflicted is that there is a neuron path carved into our brains others lack that will always compel us to root for VY while, taking the good with the bad, hoisting him as our champion and viewing him as an extended member of our family.

Either that or you are a shitty Longhorn fan and, clearly, you should hate yourself.

VY until I motherfucking die (here on known as #VYtilIdie)

P.S. Graham Harrell sucks and Aaron Rodgers can be hit by a bus.

A 30th Birthday Invitation

Premise:

Cohn, Gonnet and Sandone LLP present "Drinking a lot at various locations", in co-celebration of Joe and Jonathan successfully wandering into a third decade.

While not Cohn's birthday specifically, his involvement stems from the unassailable truth that one does not simply survive a life of clumsy blasphemy and disorganized theory without having a Jew to help finance and litigate away one's existence. This party is to honor him, as well.

Time:

On Saturday, November 24th (the Saturday that directly follows Thanksgiving) we are going to host a mobile, outdoor bender which starts at 12:00PM and will run until 8:00AM the following Sunday.

Road map:

For this ill-advised venture we have thrown in a clever little wrinkle which we think is a value-add for our prospective guests. Because we understand that not everyone has 20 hours with which to waste in heavy drink and harassment of our fair city, and because we realize not everyone has the bandwidth, stamina or alcoholic disabilities that enables one to booze for such an extended period of time, we've taken the liberty of creating a Google .doc spreadsheet to assist and promote attendance.

This spreadsheet will allow the prospective party-goer to see, as a running itinerary updated in real-time, exactly what bar or festive locale the traveling caravan is at any given hour. Further, the invited guest will be able to track location and activity which we hope empowers the guest to pick and choose- based on either schedule availability or interest- when and where they want to join our existential soiree.

If you have received this and are excited to attend (in some aspect) please message me your email address so that I can follow up in the next day or so with an invite to the read only document.

Democracy is not my standard.

If the state is a temporary establishment in the development of human society, an idea with which I follow and agree, then we who make up society are doing each other a great disservice by abandoning almost all study and research into political science.

People, as a species, are genetically hardwired to respond and act towards an incentive or reward. Individually, you see this phenomenon in the hard-wiring of human brain chemistry and with the “reward center” and, collectively, it is expressed through the external and material rewards of society. In America, we have created a political environment so toxic and ignorant -- so full of cruel, close-minded and mediocre, small people -- that our greatest and most able thinkers, instead of trying to understand and best a bunch of moron's in what amounts to some perverse idiot pageant, have completely abandoned the subject of political (and, arguably, economic) theory. And what has that left us with? Individual autodidacts going on tangents on a blog, a 200 year old, bastardized form of government that, while admittedly responsible and effective in hyper-local settings, in 2013 is woefully inadequate and laughably archaic, and the "Tea-Party" movement. Hey, at least those dorks are trying, I guess.

America (not to say anything of mankind) has a remarkably decorated laundry list of accomplishments in the realms of science, mathematics, and technology. By and large we have told our finest thinkers, and at an early age, you will be rewarded by society if you can achieve in the aforementioned fields; if find a cure of AIDs, if you can discover the Higgs Boson, or if you can create a social media platform, so is it any wonder that is what they set out to do? Unquestionably, we have reaped the benefits of our greatest thinkers and will continue to do so for generations- nobody will argue the societal gains and value- but why have discouraged investigation into matters of individual and societal relationships and freedom. Why have we discouraged the investigation of the relationship between the state and man and how we can improve on the various structures we have developed and implemented since the time of ancient city states?

Imagine if we were to take the same academic and practical approach to science and technology that we have largely taken with philosophy, both generally and politically speaking. We would have created the horse and buggy, declared it to be the most definitive mode of transportation ever, anointed it "God's will", we would have sold the idea (and the horse and buggy very cheaply) to the vox populi and stagnated on that idea so that 200 years later we would find we are an even larger society who is without the luxury of the resources or an environment with which to sustain a horse and buggy culture. That is what we have effectively done with respect to Democracy:

 "Government of the people, by the people, for the people" forever, no matter what, to infinity, no take-backs so don't even try to conjure up a better system or you are a traitorous racist who can find somewhere else to live."

My worry for a better future for my kids is not the "impending financial doom" or the "debt crisis" or any number of other silly constructs the talking heads crow about to draw up fear, it is only that they  might live in a nation and in a society that is (over)populated with too much "fat part" of the bell curve who represent the simple and sad cretins, content to continue on the status quo who willfully exist without a critical thinking bone in their body. A people who while more complicated than cattle are just as immovable when confused and dug in and a people who make movement, and by virtue progress, impossible.

Do I have a favorable alternative or at least the rough sketch of what one looks like? No. I have spent many years "working hard" to "provide for my family" and "be a good dad" and rationalizing that's good enough work and socially responsible and respectable. It's not, it's self-limiting and pathetic and wholly my own fault.

Is Anarchy the answer to a better world and society? Probably not (at least not for people like you when there is a sizable amount of guys like me out here), but I am hopeful there will be a time soon when at least people aren’t upbraided for asking the question of what is and the pursuit thereof.

White Boi Swag

Recently I have found, through my clumsy and rudimentary experimentation, that learned behaviors and human skills have more than one use.

For example, I have found that the skill needed to put a baby to sleep (read: be a good father) is the same skill needed to make a woman orgasm (read: be a good lover) which fundamentally translates to the awareness of bodily rhythm and the ability to sustain it longer than thought possible.

Namely, the ability to keep rhythm, at any pace, when you've come to the realization that you have found the sweet spot and not “geek” yourself into slipping up (the human mind can be a self-defeating instrument) and inadvertently changing your motion and sustained rhythm.

This difficult pattern suggests more than just the brute and brawn needed to rock a baby or pound a vagina, this of course implies all of that, plus another trait, the evolved brain of a modern alpha male:

He that is both the archetypical and fabled Sex God and Lover, but also the newly formed and created Modern Dad.

On Living a Life Without Meaning

On Living A Life Without Meaning:

Let's assume someone is not religious and does not believe in a Western God or a variation of the Savior myth (or someone is sufficiently skeptical to dismiss the payoff of heaven).

Why would one who does NOT want to A) investigate life with an eye for observation, in an effort to advance human understanding, scientifically and/or technologically, B ) does not want to participate and add anything meaningful to the human conversation with original creations of art, music, literature, or otherwise, C) does not want to procreate in order to add resources and prolong the human experiment and, C) does not, at least, find value in the sensory pleasures of the fruits of man's labor thus far, rich foods, booze and merriment, porn and easy sex, etc., want to go through the motions to sustain life?

It would seem as if that person would just be biding time, meaninglessly working and eating and sleeping and generally trudging about, before they sighed their last breath. It would seem that if, after an honest and thorough evaluation, of course, one were to deem that their life was more work and cost than it was worth and beneficial, would the most efficient and rational course of action, then, be to just, how do you say it nicely, unplug yourself from the game?

We regard the suicidal as irrational and mentally ill, but what about the man who exists with no merit? Wouldn't it be easier for the apathetic to save time? Doesn't it seem much more irrational, instead, to waste 70+ years putting fuel in your body to, not participate, but to watch people, like human isotopes, electrons, and ions, interact and share and grow and (brain) chemically change in this big test tube we inhabit?

Good Grief!

One time, a while ago, I was really hungover on the couch.

Not your typical "woe-is-me-I-feel-like-shit" hangover where some lapsed time, hydration and a nap cures what ails you, but one of those states of general malaise that rocks your worldview to the core. Paranoia, anxiety and confusion are the rules of that day and a man's only recourse is to grin and bear it and orgasm in one way or another.

When a man's condition is perverted to such extremes, brief moments of lucid thoughts and experiences explode like epiphanies. Well, it just so happened that as I lay on my couch - that worn, leather deathbed - in the background babysitting my children was a Charlie Brown musical and I heard a song. I had such a moment.

I heard this brief song and I thought of what foundational and deep wonders the Peanut mythology held. I perked up and felt alive.

My person -- my genius, as the Greeks called it (not the pedestrian definition we use nowadays) -- was moved. A two minute song perfect in juxtaposition; innocent children of the nuclear 50's playing a tragic masterpiece under the Gothic, pained harmony of that bitch Lucy.

I say all that to say, just now my kids and I got to share that same moment. This came on and we all, as if prompted, shut the fuck up and experienced.

I hope it meant as much to them as it did me.

Death in Venice - A Review

Death in Venice, while being a relatively short read, set in a short amount of time and on limited geography, was a pretty dense and, at times, emotionally exhausting read.

A few prerequisites to thoroughly enjoying Death in Venice:

• A firm understanding and working knowledge of Greek mythology, which is a prevailing motif peppered on almost every page from the beginning until the end.

• Experience with archaic, out-of-date language. While legitimately impressive, it could also be a deterrent if the one who is reading does not have a particularly robust vocabulary. I stopped and looked up at least a half dozen words, so I can imagine the frustration to a layman trying to plod his way through. But, it’s not Mann’s fault and it isn’t a mark against his writing and novella. It’s almost as if he was just on the unfortunate end of history, like he was using the “Betamax” dialect of 1800’s language because a lot of his vocabulary was defined as “archaic” or “dated” or “out of use” or otherwise EOL’ed.

• Speaking of being on the unfortunate end of history, when you boil it down the book is about a 50-something man’s smoldering and sexual lust for a 14 year old boy. It takes you into the mind, and really the downward journey, of a pedophile. It’s a fascinating look at how “innocent” pederasty begins, as a germ in a discontented, repressed, and, although decorated as an artist and writer, wholly average man and leaves you guessing at just how far down the rabbit hole our protagonist would fall had outside events not interfered

All in all, it was a good book once you got adjusted to the style. He was good, not great, at imagery; he put a lot of effort in trying to get the sounds and, especially, smells off the page and for the most part succeeded. I feel like Death in Venice, with its somber, grayed tone, setting, and homosexuality was an influence on The Talented Mr. Ripley -- I wouldn't be surprised to read that. That being said, in its style, language and aspirations, while not poor, it was an austere man’s less interesting imitation of E.A. Poe.

Not that I am a literary critic and my reviews are the definitive take on the particular subject as it’s just one man’s perspective, but I like to critically think about literature as an art form and I hope that helps answer your question!